Who's your daddy?

You learn not to read the cards in the windows of local newsagents.

Barely a mile from my home, in the riotously expensive Dulwich Village, the cards advertise unwanted pine cupboards, school runs, piano lessons, properties to let in Tuscany, language lessons for the kids on vac.

My local newsagents cover French only. There are plenty of TVs on offer, but no videos. In the Village any of the elegant cards advertising massage will specify ‘Women only’. I infer that the ‘Male massage’ offered in my neck of the woods is far from analogous.

I have spotted a new, professionally printed card in a couple of windows. It stands out among the felt-tipped index cards so much that I stopped to look:

Are you the father?

Don't get caught out.

Take our reliable paternity test. 

 Never forget there’s money in knowing for sure.

Unrelatedly, I think, they restarted milk float deliveries in our area a couple of years ago.